If you are looking to save your marriage then here are some tips to help you communicate with your partner. Arm yourself with four “tools”: time, an understanding attitude, patience, and empathy.
1. Schedule some time to be spent only with your partner everyday to maintain a strong bond.
2. Give complete attention to your partner, whether chatting or resolving an issue.
3. Listen to your partner without any interruptions. Maintain eye contact and keep an open mind. Grasp the expressed feelings along with the words. Facial expressions, tone of voice, body language, and words – all of these matter.
4. Make a careful choice of words while communicating to avoid any misunderstandings.
5. Don’t get carried away with emotions while communicating.
6. Instead of blowing your lid off in front of your partner, vent your anger on a piece of paper. Sometimes, we do regret later what we had said in a fit of anger.
7. Keep the positive aspects in the spot light rather than the negative ones.
8. You don’t like a particular habit of your partner, for example, throwing a wet towel on the bed. Don’t start with “I hate it when you…” instead, say, “I really like it when I see you hanging your towel on towel-stand!”
9. If you don’t like a particular dress on your partner, instead of saying, “you look fat/bad in this dress”, say, “why don’t you wear the ‘so and so’ dress? It looks sexier on you than this one!”
10. It is said – the best way to win an argument is to avoid it. How true! When you feel the discussion is getting heated up, withdraw.
11. Shouting, screaming, crying are the worst ways of communicating your feelings. They only leave your partner feeling hurt, confused, or even a failure.
12. Never dig out past conflicts, no matter how tempted you are.
13. Don’t hesitate in saying “I am sorry.” These are the wonder words that make your partner lose all anger. In fact, it leaves no room for further debate.
14. Stop blaming each other. If you think, “I can save my marriage by putting all the blame on my partner”, you are harboring an absurd idea in your mind.
* Taunting, scorning, commenting, and teasing are not the right ways to save a marriage. There are many people who hurl verbal abuses at their partner and when their partner retaliates with a divorce paper in hand, they cry, “save my marriage!” First learn to respect your partner and treat him/her as you would want to be treated yourself.